Our Goal In Life Is Death.

Have you ever think of death or practically dying as your own choice?

Six months ago I wrote a very sad poem about death. I was contemplating to have one. I don’t know if I am serious but what I generally feels inside that I want to die. Here’s my poem:

DEI

I just woke from a shallow sleep,
I sigh, open the window and take a deep breath.
Yesterday was awning to death.
Desire to die.
Wanting to die.
Forget dreams just die!
Forget family- forget the madness of the world.
FORGET EVERYTHING just die.

I slept like a sleepless drunkard as if I never desired to live.
When sleep has forgotten me I laid my body tired and dream for a
silent death.
I count people on my wake.
I think of people mourning at me.
The fragrance of blossoms.
The tears and laughter of friends,
their receptions and regrets.

My dreams of vivid sunrise and flashes of skies left me growling.
Darkness is gazing the undying emptiness of untenanted space and;
Death is a disturbance that betrayed my wholeness.
They never cease.
Dei in heaven,
You know oh lord you know,
That in a slow afternoon of Sunday,
I grappled hopelessly towards you.

It might be a product of superficial and wrong view over “life” but I don’t want to deal with this factor. The thing that I want to emphasize is this: As a human, we lies into the portion of being vulnerable to experience and wanting  death.

According to Sylvia Plath(1932–1963), a blooming American novelist, short story writer, and poet in her controversial poem Lady Lazarus,  “Dying is an art like everything else.” Suddenly, four months after she wrote the poem she committed suicide by placing her head in the oven.

Dying is an art.

It might be viewed that death is something beautiful. A masterpiece of dying. It is an art like anything else. Dying is an artistic process which involves the freedom and boundlessness of an art without  no foe and restriction.  There are many way to die. One dies because of natural death. One because of accident which suddenly occurs without knowing and the other might die because of sickness and infirmities.

 Some choose to die. Is it possible that a person is capable of choosing his death? Of course yes! Human are born to be a rational being. We are capable of thinking and reasoning which distinct us from  the other lower being. Rationality is acting on reason which accords to the fact of what is true and real. Therefore, there is a rationality of death where a person dies according to his “self determination”. He determines his own death. It is like how Sylvia Plath and other  people who committed suicide determined and chose their fate by destroying themselves.

According to a book entitled “Anatomy of Suicide”  the causes of suicide can be synthesize in four rational acts.

1. Suicide can be a practice to those people who wishes to prevent pain and personal suffering of the body and soul. This includes (1) physical and mental pain like what happened to Sylvia Plath and other people who lose the battle against depression.

2. Suicide can be an outcome of man’s courage severely put into a test like what happened to kamikaze pilots during the second world war.

3. Suicide can be a vindication of a person’s honor like what a samurai soldier do if he failed in his mission and failed his master.

4. Suicide can be a way of sacrificing life to be an example to others.

All of these are rational acts because a person uses his own reason to decides his own death. Rationality of death or rationality of suicide is a reflection of our morality.

According to Professor Shelly Kagan from Stanford University, life can be viewed in a Cartesian plane. Wherein, Y axis represents the intensity of  life’s experiences and the X axis which represents the duration of life.  It can be viewed this way:

3 ACTS OF LIFE

This figure shows that your life becomes “nothing” for a while and a person  were able to maneuver to recover and return to the life worth living.  It will be irrational for a person to kill himself in the point C because he were able to surpass the negative part of life.  Killing his self in this point in effect avoids him the large part of lifes opportunity  that will be better of living. However, it will be rational to kill himself in the point B because he will be able to avoid the problem what we will meet in the in the act II which is the most horrible point in your life. Point A will avoid him from a huge part of act I which is a life worth living and  committing suicide is a premature plan, -thus making it irrational.

This figure represents a wonderful recovery under act III up to the persons natural death. But what if this will not be the situation.

Consider this figure, wherein act III is almost near to natural death but he will be able to recover.  Obviously it will be rational to commit suicide in the point A. It is also rational for others to kill themselves in point B not to avoid the perils of the second act which now exists as history but rather avoiding their upcoming natural death. Sometimes suicide in point B is an act to prevent the aftermath in the act II.

This  figure illustrates a life that will be succumbed into life that is better of dead so dying is definitely a rational option.  Now, when will be the exact time? If you will die in the point A you will loss a short while of a life that is better living so dying in the point B will be the perfect option. For example, John has a severe form of Alzheimer’s Disease and he is confronted into a situation where he is contemplating to commit suicide. John is now facing a scenario that entails a reality that his life in the near future will be better of dead. Assume that we will put a point C near the vertical blue line, is it still possible to commit suicide? The answer is yes, either to avoid the aftermath and the exhaustion of the act II or to avoid the natural death.

Before considering the options illustrated above, we have to first answer two philosophical questions. One is a question of rationality and the other is a question of morality. A question of rationality is “when will be suicide a rational thing to do?” and on the other hand, the question of morality is, “Is suicide moral?”

The rationality of suicide arises after considering two very important questions:

1. Are you better of dead?

2. Could it ever be rational for a person to trust his judgment if the answer to the first question is yes?

The problem in answering this question is when a person perceived that his life is so bad and he thinks that he is better of dead, is most of the time, he is not  thinking clearly. So the fact that his mind is clouded entails that he  cannot trust his  judgment.

According to Philosophers, the very question that a person is better of dead does not make any sense. They made an assumption that in order to make comparison, we must consider the condition of the person before and what condition a person would be afterwards, if  they make such decision. The problem with people is they both satisfy this two question. It is like saying “I have a very good life before exactly opposite to my worthless life today and certainly a life full of worthless in the future.”  We satisfy these two conditions that’s why the worth of asking the question “Am I better of dead?” greatly diminished. The second question will not be answered because death is an end and non existence is not a “state of condition” because state and condition presuppose existence. So the condition of the second question will not be met.

Going back to the illustration, in general, we are not certain to what entails the future. Therefore, the  recovery in the third act remains possible making suicide nonsense after all. Prof. Kagan refers this  as a “crystal ball” which is the capability to foretell the  future. Since human has no crystal ball, suicide is considered as playing all odds or simply gambling your own life. Fortunately human always gamble for life in the sense that we are always in a point to taking risks in every  decision we make. We sometimes turn left or turn right or even going forward or backward. We agree into uncertainty.  We are like dancing with the thrilling melody in the midst of darkness.

 Filipino Culture and beliefs 

The Filipino culture and beliefs as we know is deeply influenced by Catholic dogma, and taking one’s life is considered a serious and grave sin against God.  The theological argument here is  life is a property of  God and it is His gift to the world and to be able to destroys it carries a heavy  assertion of dominion over God. It is a grave offense because we lies into the belief that only God can decide our death  since He is the one who gives us life.

My question is “Is it possible to walk with God even that person committed suicide?”

The answer lies on the view of the scripture about suicide. Once a person comes and walks in faith with Christ he will be forgiven for his sins as long as he walks in the light.  According to the book of Romans, those who walked according to the spirit and with Christ they will never suffer condemnation. How I dream that I can also walked with God the same way.

Note: I wrote this not in a defiance against the teaching of the church. I wrote this as a plain rational human being.